Jesus, Does Anyone?

 

"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?"  

Maybe it's the nostalgia in me this time of year--a senior in college, finishing up her last fall semester--but I cannot stop thinking about Stand By Me, the film that Stephen King referred to as "the best" among all movie adaptations of his books. I have to agree with him. There's an itch that Rob Reiner's genius seems to scratch. It follows you through all stages of life. 

I first watched the movie when I was 12--the same age as the boys in the movie. Boy, was my life changed. I fell in love with River Phoenix, and (consequently) it was the first time I ever really sobbed because of a movie. I held onto my mom for about 30 minutes, then went to my room and cried myself to sleep. It was a good cry. An I'm overwhelmingly moved and suddenly feeling incredibly lucky to laugh and love and feel kind of cry. It's almost a praise to humanity, you know? There's a magic in Stand By Me, glistening with boyhood, childhood, friendships, and the harrowing face of mortality. 

The whole film is overwhelmed with the setting of the woods. It's the A Midsummer Night's Dream device--enter the forest and leave changed forever. The beginning sentence "I was 12 going on 13 the first time I saw a dead body" immediately indicates the plot of the film, though it's a loss that no one expects: childhood. Gordie, Chris, Teddy, and Vern are vastly different boys. At the end of the film, though they have spent their entire lives together (though relatively short), they go their separate ways. Chris and Gordie are the only two who keep together, but even then, once they reach adulthood, their paths hardly cross ("Although I hadn't seen him in 10 years, I know I'll miss him forever." OUCH) 

As a 20-something, watching the film evokes a different emotion than the first time around (and the second, and the third. . .I have watched this movie too many times to count). My tears are the only constant (though, they might be heavier, if that's at all possible). I intensely see myself in Gordie--I'm a writer; I have a hard time advocating for myself and knowing my worth; I have my deer-in-the-woods little, romanticized secrets; I had a Chris Chambers, and I lost my Chris Chambers; I don't know where my life is headed; I'm sentimental, I'm mourning, and I'm hoping.